the recipe

i have been asked for the recipe that plunged me into domestic stardom, and so i present it to you in all its fruity glory. bear in mind that i didn't follow it. :)

6 boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 T vegetable oil
1 shallot, minced
2 pears, peeled, cored, and sliced
1 cup chicken broth
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
2 T sugar
2 t cornstarch
1/2 cup dried cranberries

-pound chicken breasts to 1/2in thick. season with salt and pepper. heat a large pan with the oil and saute the chicken for about 4min per side til golden brown. transfer to a plate and keep warm.

-add shallots to pan and saute for 2min. decrease heat and add pears and saute until soft.

-combine broth, vinegar, sugar, and cornstarch in a small bowl and pour over the pears. add the cranberries, increase heat and simmer for 6-8min until sauce thickens.

-return chicken to pan and simmer for 10min.


that's the recipe. but i didn't do that.
i wanted more sauce, so i decided to double the sauce part. except i forgot halfway through that i was doubling, so i doubled some things and not others, and i didn't skin the pears because i hate peeling things, and i didn't use a shallot because i don't know the difference between shallots and scallions and we don't have either (i used a plain, humble onion), and i cooked the chicken in the oven because i thought joel told me to.

i have to go make spaghetti now.

cooking: pwned

i dislike cooking. you know this if you've read this post or this post. i haven't posted about cooking in a while - not because i haven't been hating it, but because i haven't drawn blood, started fires, exploded things, or done anything else blogworthy.

until now. i made a chicken and pear dish last night, and received this email from joel today:

"Someone looked at the dinner last night and asked if it was made or bought at a restaurant. I told them Lani made it and they said 'wow.'
Thought you would like to know"

i'm thinking about starting one of those housewifey blogs with recipes and stuff. w00t.

the flower

1960's flower child

2008 flower child
better now...

translation of previous post

FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE ENLIGHTENED POSSESSORS OF THAT ELUSIVE [look up a noun before publishing] KNOWN AS A "LIFE," I HAVE PROVIDED A TRANSLATION OF MY PREVIOUS POST.

JO3L, teh 1337 h4xx0r of juztic3
JOEL, the highly computer literate person of justice

m4h hu5bnd iz teh 1337 h4xx02 5ki11z!!1!11!! ^-^
my husband is a highly computer literate man of utmost accomplishment, even finesse! (smiling person of eastern origin agrees.)

hiz ID g0t haxx0r3d. >:[ suxx0rz. h3 l057 M3G4 $$$$$$$$$ F4IL TT_TT
unfortunately, he fell prey to that scourge of contemporary society that strikes even the most well protected: identity theft! (this causes our keyboard to frown and furrow its forehead.) we are extremely displeased about this failure of our society to prevent such heinous crime!
(crying person of eastern origin agrees.)

h3 hax3d teh n00b5 EMAIL H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!111!!1!!!!1!!1111!
in an ultimate act of self protection (and retribution) he obtained access to the delinquent's email through an adroit series of computer-ish actions! maniacal laughter ensues!

h3 h4z teh 4ddr3ss & 3v3rtihng f0r teh c0p5!!11! n0m n0m!!!1
he plans to provide our law enforcement personnel with the perpetrator's email address, telephone number, physical address, and a list of lawless transactions.

PWN3D!1!!!!1
we intend to respond to the offender with utmost grace and tact.

the end
n00bz

JO3L, teh 1337 h4xx0r of juztic3

WARNING:
THIS BLOG NARRATIVE IS WRITTEN IN "LEETSPEAK" A DEGENERATE FORM OF PIDGEON COMMUNICATION USED BY GAMERS, PROGAMMERS, AND ANYONE WITH THEIR HEAD UP THEIR LOLCAT'S NOSTRIL.
STOP READING WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A LIFE.

m4h hu5bnd iz teh 1337 h4xx02 5ki11z!!1!11!! ^-^

hiz ID g0t haxx0r3d. >:[ suxx0rz. h3 l057 M3G4 $$$$$$$$$ F4IL TT_TT


h3 hax3d teh n00b5 EMAIL H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!111!!1!!!!1!!1111!
h3 h4z teh 4ddr3ss & 3v3rtihng f0r teh c0p5!!11! n0m n0m!!!1

PWN3D!1!!!!1

teh end

dead people

joel is studying to become a nurse - he wants to save lives.

to do this, he has to spend an inordinate amount of time with dead people.
he's taking anatomy&physiology at portland state university, and this week he's learning all of the muscles in the chest, arms, and abdomen.

joel's new dead friends are maude and harold - christened thus by the teacher's assistants of the psu science dept.
maude and harold will spend the year enjoying increasing freedom from their major body systems (as each system is studied by the students of the a&p classes). at the end of the year, the a&p students will have to put them back together again and create life, preferably employing the use of lightning.

death apparently had the desirable effect of plunging maude and harold into sudden popularity. the trendiest of young, hip college students wait hours in line for the privilege of spending a mere 15 minutes in the presence of these venerable, um ... souls?

maude and harold may be dead, but they've obviously learned the secret of "winning friends and influencing people."
i have come the the conclusion that anyone who wishes to increase his or her popularity can learn a few lessons from this enlightened couple:

~ fashion is overrated. who need clothes?!? (of course, they don't have skin either...)

~ exercise is also overrated. flabby body parts can easily be removed. especially when you don't have skin.

~ develop your "strong silent" persona. don't talk. ever. if you find this difficult remove your lips.

~ a little touch goes a long way. let people get close to you. but not without gloves.

~ skip the perfume aisle - go straight for the formaldehyde. it's irresistible.

~ be sure those trendy college students know that you hold their gpa in the palm of your skinned, unfeeling hand.


let me know how these tips work for you. i would try them out myself, but i have a life.