dead people

joel is studying to become a nurse - he wants to save lives.

to do this, he has to spend an inordinate amount of time with dead people.
he's taking anatomy&physiology at portland state university, and this week he's learning all of the muscles in the chest, arms, and abdomen.

joel's new dead friends are maude and harold - christened thus by the teacher's assistants of the psu science dept.
maude and harold will spend the year enjoying increasing freedom from their major body systems (as each system is studied by the students of the a&p classes). at the end of the year, the a&p students will have to put them back together again and create life, preferably employing the use of lightning.

death apparently had the desirable effect of plunging maude and harold into sudden popularity. the trendiest of young, hip college students wait hours in line for the privilege of spending a mere 15 minutes in the presence of these venerable, um ... souls?

maude and harold may be dead, but they've obviously learned the secret of "winning friends and influencing people."
i have come the the conclusion that anyone who wishes to increase his or her popularity can learn a few lessons from this enlightened couple:

~ fashion is overrated. who need clothes?!? (of course, they don't have skin either...)

~ exercise is also overrated. flabby body parts can easily be removed. especially when you don't have skin.

~ develop your "strong silent" persona. don't talk. ever. if you find this difficult remove your lips.

~ a little touch goes a long way. let people get close to you. but not without gloves.

~ skip the perfume aisle - go straight for the formaldehyde. it's irresistible.

~ be sure those trendy college students know that you hold their gpa in the palm of your skinned, unfeeling hand.


let me know how these tips work for you. i would try them out myself, but i have a life.